Dealing With the Addiction

We're all friends here, right?

If so, then it's about time I come clean with all of you.

I'm addicted to running.

That's probably not quite a newsflash to anyone who knows me.

I'm far from alone in experiencing this particular addiction. There are key reasons why running is addictive that I will elaborate on. And there are points where that addiction can become problematic which I will share as well.

Let's Talk About the Science

If no one minds, it's time to become Dr. Rick as I outline the physiological and psychological nuts and bolts of all this. Once we strap on the Nikes, Brooks or whatever and start along that path, our brains tend to squeeze out several chemicals that stimulate a good feeling or what we call the "runners high" that contributes to the addiction.

Most of you are familiar with Endorphins. These ease discomfort as well as trigger that "euphoria" I just mentioned. But our grey matter contributes more than that. We have also Endocannabinoids which are now believed to be the main contributor of the "runner's high" aided by the lessened anxiety and the pleasure they produce.

Contributing as well to this chemical mix are Dopamine, Serotonin and Norepinephrine. The former signals reward and motivation with the latter two goosing up an improved mood and focus. Put them all in a big pot, stir them vigorously and you come up with a chemical stew that's potent enough to keep you wanting to run.

Can I just say that it's a damn shame our brain doesn’t produce similar chemicals that make me enjoy shopping?

Anyway, as if that’s not enough, there are the definite psychological reasons we hit the roads and trails at all hours and in all conditions.

Running also provides a clear Stress Relief - something to which I can definitely attest. Adding to that is the concept of a Predictable Reward when running is an activity that we can expect to work out for us.

A final, but essential, psychological aspect called Identity Formation - where we're able to call ourselves runners, we immediately connect to what we see as a "special community."

Hey, if you ever thought we runners were a bit off, now you know why.

Personal Impact

To explain what I mean, let's go back to October 2017 when I'd finished my first race in a several years. Having been in good enough shape to actually put forth a competitive effort for the first time in too many decades, the predominant thought in my mind was that I'd suddenly reunited with a part of myself that I didn't know was missing.

That formerly missing component has remained with me since that time. Injuries didn't deter me because I knew that it was only a matter of time before I would be able to resume my training and racing.

Last July's injury was different. It would not heal and, no matter what I did or didn't do, my ability to run lessened with each week. As I struggled with my workouts, that essential aspect of myself that I'd found eight years earlier was now gone.

Not even a wickedly hot sun takes away that runner's high!

Suddenly, absent my ability to run as I had known, I experienced the following:

• So Long to Any “Runners High.” Put it another way, when whatever distance you run has you laser-focused on a left knee, there's not much of an opportunity for any of those chemicals I mentioned earlier to have any real impact.

• No Outlet for Stress Relief. Zeroing attention on that knee and how I ran prevented the stress relief I typically received from running. Indeed, the lack of recovery often added more stress.

• Shame in Being Around Other Runners. Although completely irrational, I could not help pulling back from communicating with other runners as I felt I somehow no longer belonged in that special community.

Essentially, I was more or less pulled "cold turkey" from my running addiction. Without that "fix," I had a notable void that I struggled to fill.

The low point occurred on New Year's Eve. My wife and I were having dinner at our favorite local restaurant when I asked her what she was looking forward to in the upcoming year. To have Amy immediately elaborate on a number of exciting events hit harder than a martini on an empty stomach.

Her enthusiastic responses reverberated against my despair that I felt as though there was nothing to look forward to in the coming months. Sure, work would be quite busy. Still, that was nothing new for the winter months. The source of my pessimism stemmed solely from the realization that I'd experienced yet another setback in my recovery, prompting me to delete all upcoming races from this year's calendar.

Clearly, in the "big picture," my inability to run had taken on an outsized significance. I knew that evening that my addiction needed to be managed with a greater balance in my life.

Going Forward

I'm now five weeks into recovery from last month’s surgery on my torn meniscus. Although there's more to this recovery in a previous post, bottom line, there is every reason to believe that I will be able commence a return to running in a few weeks with an eventual return to the running life I’d had before.

Although that's wonderful news to me, I also acknowledge a need to realign that the balance between running and my life. It's my intention to set goals that find and maintain an equilibrium between my passion for running with an equal passion for other aspects of my life. While savoring and being thankful for every moment that I can run and race, I will need to appreciate when I’m with my wife, family and friends. I know I will need to seek recreation that expands beyond my workouts as well.

It’s my plan to continue running for as long as I can. It’s also my plan to enjoy all aspects of life for that same duration.

My thanks to everyone for reading this post. I would also like to know your thoughts and any experiences you wish to share.

Thanks and best wishes with your running!

I'll be racing again - and not as a cartoon character!